I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
