I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I currently don't understand fingers.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
