Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
