Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
