Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
