Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
