That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
