You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
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