oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
