the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
ugly people sure do ruin things
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Randomize
