I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Randomize
