we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
