no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
