i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
