What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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long story
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weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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