that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
