This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Randomize
