We got so high we made milksteak
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
