Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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