Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
