Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
