Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
