I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
