He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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