Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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