I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Randomize
