is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
