found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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