I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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