I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
