All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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