i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
