Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
