cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
