I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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