I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
