then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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