I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
