at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Best friends brother. Beat that.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
