i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
