I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
