btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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