So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
You took a bar mat shot.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
