Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
