Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
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