I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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