i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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