took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
