Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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