I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
birth control should be required to get into college
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
