Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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