I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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