just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
