I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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